What beliefs are holding you back? According to celebrity hypnotherapist Marisa Peer, explains that we often hold onto old beliefs that formed during childhood — even though they no longer serve us. Instead, she describes a simple way to hack your beliefs, so you understand that everything is available to you.
How To Teach Your Mind That Everything Is Available To You | Marisa Peer
About Marisa Peer
Marisa Peer, who was once named the Best British Therapist by Men’s Health magazine, has spent 25 years working with an extensive client list including royalty, rock stars, Hollywood actors, Olympic athletes, CEOs of multi-billion dollar companies and political leaders.
Her tools and techniques aim to bridge the gap between 99% of the population and the top 1% of super-achievers she works with. She’s discovered eight unique Mental Thought Models (which are the result of the eight transformations) that will do this for most people.
Transcripts of the Video:
0:07
Wow I am very lucky I have this rather
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lovely gift which I really appreciate
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every day and my gift is that I can work
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out what’s wrong with someone in 3 or 4
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minutes and usually I can cure them in 5
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minutes and because it’s quite a talent
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I mean I’m very lucky I got it I’m
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always been asked to go on the radio and
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go on TV and people ring out with their
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problems and it’s like you’ve got to do
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your magic you’ve got to cure them in
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five minutes if it takes half an hour
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it’s not the same so one day I’m on this
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radio show and this woman’s rung up and
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she is having such an anxiety attack I
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can’t even hear what she’s saying she’s
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going to go power huh that’s right okay
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I got five minutes to sort this girl out
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it’s going to hit me 22 get her to
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breathe properly so I’m like okay I’ve
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got to do this cheesy thing but I’ve got
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to I got five minutes I listen just just
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relax
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just imagine you’ll walk in on the beach
1:00
and the sand is in your toes and the
1:03
waves are laughing and she cut me right
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off and when I can’t do that the beach
1:07
is not available to somebody like me and
1:10
I’m a bit confused now and she went oh
1:12
yeah well you’re English you don’t
1:13
understand I live in a trailer in
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Nebraska I’m nearly 60 years old I don’t
1:19
have any money and she said it again I
1:22
have never been to the beach it is not
1:24
available to someone like me and I’ll
1:27
probably never go and I’m like wow that
1:29
was me I would be taking three bosses
1:32
once in my life I’m going to have the
1:34
sand in my toes man I live in a country
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where turquoise water and Sun was not
1:40
available but I did make a point of
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finding it so you know she was a great
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gift to me because I remember thinking
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how many people have that belief it was
1:49
quite early in my career and a couple of
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weeks later I’m working with this why
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call them a school Ian Ayre this guy’s
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got so much money he owns waves of
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London he’s a property mogul and he’s a
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chronic chronic alcoholic and doctors
2:05
wrong with always so many people they
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can’t fix like we can’t fix him senator
2:08
Marissa
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we can’t do anything with him see what
2:11
you can do
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so in he came and he support all my
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clients say I’ve been to rehab I’ve done
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all of this I just can’t stop drinking
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the Cure is not available to me and I’m
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like you know it isn’t true
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so I do something very different I put
2:27
people in hypnosis and I count them back
2:29
and I say to them when I count to three
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you’ll be back at the scene that has
2:34
caused you to drink and they always go
2:36
back to it and I like to do three scenes
2:38
because it’s like being a detective you
2:40
take the scenes and you kind of put them
2:42
together then you explain to the client
2:44
sometimes they explained to me they do
2:46
my job for me oh yeah I know I see that
2:48
happen but ah now that’s why so I’ve got
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this guy in hypnosis and I said okay
2:53
we’re going to go back to why you drink
2:55
so I counted a three where are you and
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he said I’m six years old
3:00
what are you feeling he said no one
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loves me not a person in the world loves
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me okay obviously I’m speaking this up
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for you now we’ve gone to another scene
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where are you now is that I’m seven
3:14
years old he said and my parents they
3:15
don’t even like me I don’t understand I
3:18
have no one that loves me and the next
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scene was pretty much the same where are
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you seven what’s going on I don’t
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understand when my parents hate me there
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was nobody in the world that loves me
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okay now I’m Daisy trading this together
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and going okay so tell me now about the
3:37
love in your life and he went well I
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don’t have any he said love is a bit of
3:42
a foreign country to me it’s just a lien
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I’ve never had love I have friends I
3:47
have star I have millions of pounds but
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I don’t have love and I’m 66 years old
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and I guess or never have love and I’m
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like and you know why you drink he said
3:59
no I like because that is so painful
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when you’re six you can go I don’t
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understand my mum and dad don’t love me
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but maybe I’ll try really hard and I’ll
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be smart and cute and kind and clever
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and they love me and because it doesn’t
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work because it’s not the six year olds
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fold and then they get to oh right I’ve
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tried all this stuff they don’t love me
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because I’m not loved
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and once you buy into that that’s a real
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problem because you go through the world
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with this belief and I want you to
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remember this expression first you make
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your beliefs and then your beliefs make
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you so be very careful about the beliefs
4:38
you make because they make you and once
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you made a belief guess what happens you
4:43
go out into the world and the universe
4:45
matches your belief so you believe oh
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dogs are vicious and bite you or a
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pickup of energy and guess what they are
4:53
vicious invite you you believe our dogs
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are wonderful they’re so loyal they’re
4:57
your best friend you could when you
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leave here decide ok I’m going to go out
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in the world and believe that people are
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dishonest and rip you off and a rude and
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you will find that everywhere you go and
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the next day you can wake up and think
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I’m going to believe that everyone is
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kind of basically kind and good and will
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help me out and guess what you will find
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that too and the problem is that we form
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beliefs we’ve been on the planet for 5
5:24
years 6 years I’m not lovable love isn’t
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available success isn’t available money
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isn’t available even health or happiness
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or believing I matter or I count that’s
5:39
not available to me so I talked him and
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said um ok so I’m getting your reasoning
5:45
love wasn’t available and now it’s not
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available but you didn’t appear to own
5:50
swathe of London when you were 6 years
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old you didn’t inherit this Empire you
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went out and got it why don’t you go out
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and get love and he went but I don’t
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know how to do this I said well how do
6:01
you know how to go out and buy all this
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land and all these hotels and all these
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apartments so eventually I got him to
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understand that it was just a belief and
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I said you know why you’re an alcoholic
6:13
because it’s so painful to say I’m not
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lovable better to go I’m not lovable cuz
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I’m an alcoholic I don’t have love
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because I’m an alcoholic that’s easier
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than saying I’m not lovable so this is
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what my clients tell me love isn’t
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available relationships aren’t available
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wealth isn’t available success how
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happiness praise
6:36
feeling I’m significant believing I
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matter even compliments are not
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available but the biggest one the one
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that’s on top of all the ones that
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should be on there we’ll fix it in the
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interval is love when you believe that
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love isn’t available is very painful and
6:54
Diana was actually a fascinating girl to
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work with because her mother left when
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she was four she was pretty much raised
7:01
by nannies and then sent to boarding
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school and she had a very interesting
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belief love isn’t available I can find
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love but I can’t keep it and because
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I’ve got so many amazing clients you
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know limos turn up at my house
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bodyguards turn up at my house I was
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standing in my neighbor’s garden and the
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others went oh I think that’s for you
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and this big limo came down my street
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and out got four bodyguards and two
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stood at the gate and one sit at my
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front door one came in the house and out
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came this movie star Michael Denis was
7:32
always cool I don’t understand why these
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people could they’ve got everything I’m
7:37
like yeah except I don’t feel lovable so
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people think that Fame damages people
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actually I found the other way around
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damaged people want to be famous so
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let’s imagine someone standing here they
7:53
do because a little kid going my parents
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don’t love me I don’t have parents I’m
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like a foster child or a stepchild
8:02
this isn’t fair how can I find a love
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maker I know I become rich and famous
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and everyone all lobbies they go over
8:08
here and suddenly they’re rich and
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famous and they go yeah but you know
8:13
what they love this party they love this
8:16
talent they love this voice they don’t
8:19
really love me and now they’re screwed
8:24
because when they were over there
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Issachar going to go over there and I’m
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going to be loved and I’m over here and
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I don’t feel any different than I felt
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before I still feel unlovable and now
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I’ve got nowhere to go
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except down and everyone knows about it
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and that’s when a lot of my clients
8:42
start to implode because the drive to be
8:45
famous is because they never felt
8:47
lovable and when they get Fame they
8:49
still feel unloved
8:50
so Diana did what a lot of people do
8:54
she gave what she wanted to give do you
8:56
know the percentage of nurses that come
8:58
from dysfunctional families is
9:00
astonishing
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it really is a calling they give what
9:04
they most want to get back not all of
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them of course but a huge proportion and
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Diana could make everyone love her she
9:12
was magnetic she was charming but she
9:15
never ever believed that she was worthy
9:17
of love and the only person who wasn’t
9:20
captivated and madly in love with Diana
9:22
was Diana she didn’t think she was
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lovable and Marilyn Monroe was very
9:28
interesting someone asked me that if I
9:30
worked with her I’m like no I’m old
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enough to worked with Marilyn Monroe but
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nevertheless I know an awful lot about
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Marilyn Monroe because she was a classic
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example she was born and she was
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fostered immediately her her parents
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didn’t want her mother gave her up
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father didn’t want to know and she went
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into the foster system and when she was
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two-and-a-half she lived with a foster
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mother who had her own child also two
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and a half and of course her own son
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would go mama mama mama and Marilyn
10:00
started to go mama mama mama and the
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foster woman no no you mustn’t call me
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mama I’m not your mama you can call me
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auntie and every time they went to a
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park or a playground Marilyn would go
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there’s a mama there’s a mama there’s a
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mama because she knew she didn’t have
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one she felt completely different and
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she kind of was already forming this
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belief that she was never going to have
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the love that other people had and she
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went through life with an interesting
10:28
belief that love is available for a
10:30
little while because she would get a bit
10:32
of love in the foster care then she get
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moved and when she’s married Arthur
10:36
Miller she was planning her divorce on
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the day she got married to him because
10:40
of her belief that I’m not really
10:42
lovable I can get it I can’t keep it and
10:46
her shrink could settle on it in Marilyn
10:49
what is going on with you no I just seen
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this footage of you dancing him out of
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all these G eyes you’ve sewn into this
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dress everything’s falling out and you
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have no underwear on what is that about
10:59
and I’m going to quote what she said
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word for word she said
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I need everyone to love me I must belong
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to the whole world because I have never
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belonged to anyone or anything in my
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whole life
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and I fear that I never ever will and
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that is a word-for-word quote I need the
11:20
whole world to love me I must belong
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I’ve never belonged to anyone or
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anything and that is a real problem with
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feeling unlovable that you kind of pick
11:30
it up and then it kind of radiates out
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from you and people pick up your beliefs
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so I was asked to work with Amy
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Winehouse and I really wanted to work
11:41
with her she was quite a fascinating
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girl in preparation for my working with
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her I read up a lot about her I already
11:47
knew Amy is an alcoholic
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Amy is a drug addict amy is anorexic and
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bulimic fears between the two amy has
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depression and amy is addicted to really
12:00
damaged men they’re going to bring her
12:01
down and she didn’t turn up for any
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appointment and I only ever spoke to her
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on the phone and I said why didn’t you
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turn out and she said what’s the point
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I’m damaged beyond repair forgive me if
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I swear she said I’m complete you can’t
12:17
help me no one can help me and the
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problem with Amy is that she did go into
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rehab and get clean many times and she
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could give up drugs and she could give
12:29
up alcohol and she could for period stop
12:31
being anorexic but she could not give up
12:34
this belief that being normal was not
12:37
available to her you know she never
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wrote happy song she wrote back to black
12:43
my tears dry on their own love is a
12:46
losing game listen to those lyrics it’s
12:49
so tragic even being loved I’m going to
12:51
lose it love and then she wrote I told
12:54
you I’m trouble you know I’m no good and
12:57
she really believed that and if you
13:00
listen to Back to Black she’s talking to
13:03
her boyfriend and she said you know you
13:04
go back to your old girlfriend you go
13:06
back to normality and me I go back to
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black I go back to darkness I go back to
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depression I go back to being so
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abnormal
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and there’s nothing normal available and
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I know that it was that belief that
13:21
killed her it wasn’t drugs it was the
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belief that normality is not available
13:26
of course beyond that belief is the real
13:30
belief I’m not lovable and see Whitney
13:33
Houston she was the same when she was 16
13:37
or 17 her record label pushed her as
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this god-fearing deeply religious pure
13:43
wholesome girl that was okay but she was
13:47
already a drug addict and she was
13:49
already being told you must not let
13:50
anyone know your real sexually hide that
13:53
you know pretend you’re madly in love
13:55
with Bobby Brown and live a lie and she
13:58
did and it was so abnormal and she too
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had this belief normality that’s not
14:04
available to me and then her poor little
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daughter was brought up in a house where
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normality was not available Saira talk
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to you today about your beliefs and I
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want you to think about what you think
14:18
is not available to you
14:21
who here be brave I’m not going to
14:23
embarrass anyone it’s not my thing
14:25
who here might just have a belief that
14:28
real wonderful lasting love is not
14:31
available to them put your hand up who
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here might have a belief that being
14:37
really really successful and keeping
14:40
that success going is not available to
14:43
them who believes that money making
14:47
money keeping money not available who
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believes that knowing they are deeply
14:54
significant they really matter they’re
14:57
here for a purpose they have an
14:58
extraordinary gift
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who thinks no that’s not available to me
15:03
okay
15:04
and who you might believe that even
15:06
being healthy isn’t available to them so
15:11
you know someone told you this no one
15:14
comes into the world a baby is born and
15:16
the first six minutes that everyone
15:17
looks at them the doctor the nurses the
15:19
midwives they’re too gold oh look at me
15:20
bit fat today my stomach sticks out
15:23
babies love being looked at and if you
15:26
take your baby home and shut it in a
15:28
cupboard what’s going to happen it will
15:29
scream for days because its belief is
15:32
someone’s going to come and look after
15:34
me because I’m so cool all my needs are
15:36
met in the womb so they’re going to be
15:38
there out of the womb and people are
15:40
going to take care of me because I’m
15:41
lovable and then someone somewhere tells
15:45
you the opposite and you would have
15:48
think who is that person what do they
15:51
know you know even doctors tell people
15:54
stuff that’s wrong I have the greatest
15:55
respect for doctors but I’ve met them in
15:57
my time that you really want to shake so
16:00
it has come I’ve got to see this woman
16:03
who is suicidally depressed and her
16:06
doctor said I don’t know how to do with
16:08
this woman anymore can you see her and
16:11
she told me something that really
16:12
startled me she said every time I hear
16:15
of someone who’s got terminal cancer I’m
16:17
so jealous I wish I could get terminal
16:21
cancer and die that would be my greatest
16:23
dream because people terminal terminal
16:26
cancer can die they don’t have to feel
16:28
guilty said my mom killed herself my dad
16:31
was a broken man and I married someone
16:35
just like my dad and I really want to
16:37
kill myself but it’s going to break my
16:40
husband’s heart it’s going to break my
16:42
dad’s heart
16:43
so I’m cursed to live this miserable
16:45
life by the depression that cannot be
16:49
cured and you know what she just said
16:50
the Cure is not available to me and I’m
16:55
like why do you think that you went well
16:56
it’s genetic my mother killed herself
16:59
with genetic depression my grandmother
17:01
had it I’ve got it
17:02
there is no cure and I’m like actually
17:05
there is a cure and guess what you’re in
17:07
the right place to have the cure I have
17:10
cured hundreds of people thousands
17:12
probably I might have exaggerated to
17:14
make her better of suicidal depression
17:17
and since you’re in my office and I’m
17:19
going to hypnotize you why didn’t you
17:22
let me cure you she went okay
17:23
I said why I’m going to put you in
17:25
hypnosis we’re going to go back to the
17:27
cause of the depression and so we went
17:29
back to scenes I knew we’d go back to
17:31
the mother’s killed herself and we went
17:34
back to her mother’s funeral and she
17:35
didn’t cry
17:36
I didn’t want to cry because you know my
17:39
dad and was broken and I realized
17:42
straight away because every scene was
17:45
her being a good girl her being perfect
17:48
and I so what she did is she decided to
17:51
be a people pleaser she really wanted to
17:54
help out her dad she never cried she
17:56
never complained she never asked for
17:58
anything I went you know what you don’t
18:01
actually have depression you have
18:03
repression and suppression because you
18:07
have no voice you don’t open your mouth
18:10
and say what’s going wrong
18:12
she married so I shouldn’t even love
18:14
because he he kind of loved her didn’t
18:16
want to hurt his feelings and now she’s
18:18
got a mother-in-law who I swear is the
18:20
bitch from hell I said god I’ve heard of
18:22
some mother-in-law’s in my time but this
18:24
one she’s probably like the worst
18:26
mother-in-law I’ve ever heard of and you
18:29
got to stand up shy can’t I said you got
18:32
to stand up to her and say get out of my
18:34
house and when you’re at home house and
18:36
she says those horrible things get up
18:38
and leave and if your husband doesn’t
18:40
come with you take the car leave him
18:42
there but do not allow her to diminish
18:45
you and she said I don’t know what to do
18:47
like okay so I got her in hypnosis
18:50
you’re gonna have to forgive me for
18:51
swearing now but it was very relevant I
18:53
said okay you’re in hypnosis I want you
18:55
to imagine your mother-in-law is in
18:57
front of you and I want you to say to
18:59
her and she went I can’t possibly say
19:04
that I could never say that it you can
19:06
you can say it so she kind of thought
19:10
about you attentively went off she was
19:13
terribly posh and I’m like okay so again
19:17
so she went off not like necessarily
19:21
like in all of a sudden she went bitch
19:24
get out of my house and she went
19:28
it was really cool and she went oh my
19:33
this feels rather marvelous do it again
19:39
she did it again and she went oh this is
19:41
magnificent do it again I said you know
19:45
the reason I’m making you do this is
19:47
because you’ve come into this room with
19:50
a belief that you have no voice and you
19:53
can’t express yourself because that’s
19:56
what you believe when you were seven and
19:59
you had every right to believe that at
20:01
seven but you’ve done what many people
20:03
do you’ve kept the belief going you see
20:06
if you’d met Diana if you’d met Marilyn
20:10
if you’d met even Amy in the room was a
20:15
beautiful woman but really what was in
20:18
the room was an absolutely damaged child
20:21
and these women kind of have this
20:23
damaged child in them and they are the
20:25
damaged child more than the beautiful
20:27
woman and I said look when you were six
20:29
you had no power no options but you’re
20:32
46 you want to leave that little girl
20:35
behind with no voice and find your voice
20:38
so when you go home today all the way I
20:40
want you to keep safe and so she had on
20:45
a twin set and pearls and Hermes bag a
20:47
little Hermes scarf and I watched to
20:49
walk off my husband you get out of my
20:53
house
20:54
and she wrote to me about three months
20:57
later and said I must tell you something
20:59
when I left your office I hated you
21:02
should I could not believe what you made
21:05
me say and what you made me do should I
21:08
rather affronted actually should but I
21:11
have to tell you in the last few months
21:13
I’ve lost 36 pounds my mother-in-law
21:16
doesn’t bother me at all
21:18
I’m not depressed and I remember what
21:20
you said repressed and suppressed and
21:23
I’m not those either I want to tell you
21:25
I don’t hate you anymore in fact I
21:27
rather adore you now and I’ve been
21:30
telling all my friends about you three
21:33
years later she telephoned me she went
21:35
I want to tell you something
21:36
extraordinary it just happened to me
21:39
said I got a letter from my doctor
21:41
saying you must come in urgently
21:43
urgently we need to see you so she went
21:47
in thinking what’s gone on and her
21:48
doctor sat across the table and when
21:50
you’re not filling your prescription for
21:53
antidepressants what is going on as she
21:55
went well I haven’t been depressed for
21:58
three years I’ve had therapy with that
22:00
Marissa Pierre didn’t really say that
22:02
and I’m no longer depressed and he went
22:06
it will come back you have genetic
22:10
depression it will come back you’re
22:13
going to have it all your life and you
22:15
need to take medication all your life
22:18
and that previously suppressed repressed
22:21
woman went do you know doctor what is
22:23
not coming back me to your office I will
22:26
never come back here again
22:30
Yeah right on you will never be my
22:36
doctor again how dare you tell me that
22:39
and she left and I love that because
22:42
just because he was a doctor and he told
22:46
her that that didn’t mean it was true
22:49
you see whatever you tell your mind it
22:52
will believe so let me do something with
22:55
you I want you to just put your arms out
22:58
in front of you as if you’re holding
22:59
like reins or the handlebars of a bike
23:02
just put out your hands and close your
23:06
eyes and I want you to imagine to tell
23:10
yourself in your left hand you are
23:12
holding an enormous red fire bucket and
23:15
it’s filled with 60 pounds of sand and
23:18
it’s getting heavier and heavier and
23:21
heavier in your left arm you’re holding
23:24
a bucket of sand and it is so heavy you
23:27
can feel the way right up into your
23:30
shoulder you can feel it in your elbow
23:33
you can feel it in your wrist your left
23:36
arm is getting heavier and heavier and
23:39
heavier the harder you try to keep your
23:41
left arm up the heavier it’s becoming
23:44
and in your right arm you’re holding a
23:47
huge helium filled balloon a big blue
23:51
balloon it’s bigger than you full of
23:53
helium completely weightless and now
23:56
your right arm is floating and moving
23:59
and pulling and lifting and traveling up
24:03
and the harder you try to push that
24:06
right arm down the more it feels as if
24:08
you are trying to push a balloon
24:10
underwater it just insists on springing
24:14
up lifting up traveling up getting
24:18
lighter and lighter and lighter and all
24:22
the time your left arm is getting
24:24
heavier and heavier and the harder you
24:27
try to lift up your left arm the more it
24:29
feels like it’s been encased in concrete
24:31
and the harder you try to push your
24:34
right arm down the more it feels like
24:35
it’s attached to a pulley that is
24:38
pulling it up and just notice one arm is
24:41
way down one arm is weightless
24:43
because of a belief I just gave you it’s
24:46
a belief so keep your arms where they
24:48
are open your eyes and look around the
24:52
room see beliefs are real beliefs are
24:58
things so let’s do another one really
25:01
quickly thank you I won’t you thank you
25:06
thank you thank you I want you to put
25:12
your hand up by your mouth right now I
25:14
want you to imagine you’re holding in
25:16
your mouth a big fat juicy Costa Rica
25:19
lemon and you can breathe it in and
25:21
nothing smells quite like that wonderful
25:24
lemon smell and you can feel that waxy
25:27
lemonis smell it feel it
25:29
open your mouth cram that lemon in to
25:33
shove that lemon into your mouth that’s
25:35
sucking it and chewing it and biting it
25:40
sucker all the flesh swirl it around and
25:44
what is happening is of course you are
25:48
reacting to a thought not a good thought
25:51
not a bad thought and neutral thought
25:53
but you see we react to thoughts and we
25:57
don’t upgrade our thoughts enough and
26:00
time and time again I go back to people
26:03
who come up with beliefs they made we’ve
26:05
been on the planet for five years they
26:08
made a belief I’m not good enough
26:10
there’s never going to be enough money
26:12
I’m not pretty or handsome or smart or
26:16
strong no one’s interested in me and we
26:20
keep those beliefs for no other reason
26:22
then they’re familiar so I sat in a
26:26
doctor’s office when I was in my
26:28
twenties and he said to me you will
26:29
never have a baby you must accept you
26:32
are infertile you can’t have children
26:34
but even in my twenties I was already
26:36
very far advanced in hypnosis and I said
26:39
I’m going to stop you there
26:41
because I’m not letting that in so I’m
26:43
just going to leave and I don’t want to
26:45
hear anything you have to say because I
26:47
know I have a baby and actually I got
26:50
pregnant really easily
26:52
and then having been told that having a
26:54
baby was not available to me now I’ve
26:57
got new things well you’re never gonna
26:59
have a normal pregnancy you’ll probably
27:01
lose the baby you know if you carry it
27:04
to full term it will have all kinds of
27:05
things wrong with it because I was
27:07
diagnosed with an illness that turned
27:08
out I never even had and they said yeah
27:11
well the baby is going to have the same
27:12
illness that I actually never had ever
27:15
but I seem to have a great pregnancy
27:18
they tell me my baby were born under 4
27:20
pounds and suddenly out she was seven
27:23
and a half pounds and I knew that I was
27:26
having a baby was available to me having
27:29
a perfect baby was available because I
27:31
was going to make it available and then
27:33
I went off for my pre-birth talk and
27:37
they said what kind of birth are you
27:38
having um like hypnosis are like are you
27:40
crazy
27:41
you’re going to have a baby under
27:42
hypnosis this is a nurse saying to be do
27:44
you know giving birth is like sitting on
27:47
a stove with a gas ring turned on it’s
27:52
agony you can’t have a baby under
27:55
hypnosis I’m like well what do you think
27:57
people in Africa do they went oh well
27:59
they’ve got different shape pelvises
28:01
that’s how they give birth in a field
28:04
I’m like okay what about people in India
28:06
they don’t seem to have different shaped
28:07
pelvises last time I looked well you
28:11
can’t have a baby under hypnosis I’m
28:13
like well I’m actually doing a recording
28:15
for the BBC so and they come to record
28:18
we’re having a baby under hypnosis I’m
28:20
pretty think much think I am anyway I
28:22
had an amazing birth
28:24
I had the BBC and the delivery I had my
28:26
mom my stepdad my friends the baby’s dad
28:29
at a party in there and I had my baby
28:32
really easily I just pushed her out of
28:34
so simple fact I felt like I’ve been out
28:36
and bought her because I went to the
28:38
hospital gave birth my little baby in
28:41
like two hours and then went up on the
28:44
ward and it was like wow I just feel
28:45
like I’ve been to a store and got this
28:47
amazing gorgeous thing anyway woke up
28:50
the next day in England we have Ward’s
28:53
who don’t really have private rooms in
28:55
maternity hospitals and the nurses were
28:58
coming around giving everyone a box of
28:59
Kleenex I’m like what’s that for she
29:02
went that is for the post
29:04
to depression everybody gets that on day
29:07
three on day three the whole ward is
29:09
crying and weeping it’s okay just the
29:14
hormones when you give birth your body
29:15
starts to lose all the hormones and then
29:18
you get postnatal depression I went oh
29:20
no no no no I’m actually having
29:22
postnatal euphoria I’m having it right
29:24
now and I’m going to keep having it for
29:27
weeks to come and they looked at me like
29:28
I was nuts I said yeah I actually
29:32
haven’t signed up for postnatal
29:33
depression I have to find out for
29:42
postnatal euphoria and since she told me
29:44
the waters going to be a sea of weeping
29:46
and crisis you know I get in my office
29:47
everyday weeping wailing crying I don’t
29:50
really need it on my first day with a
29:52
baby so I’m just going to go home so I
29:55
got my little babe you got attacks he
29:56
went home and I didn’t realize because
29:59
my partner had the house keys that I was
30:01
locked out of a house and we were not
30:03
having a great relationship even know
30:04
where he was I shouldn’t care I have to
30:06
say I was so in love with my baby he
30:08
wasn’t important but I couldn’t get in
30:10
my house but I had my car keys so I put
30:14
my little newborn baby in the car and I
30:16
rang my mother said mama are going to
30:17
come and stay with you but she was
30:18
delighted and I drove to Cambridge in
30:21
older when you have a baby you have to
30:23
have a midwife come every day for 10
30:25
days to check out you and the baby it’s
30:27
kind of the law and it’s a good thing
30:28
and if you don’t have it they don’t like
30:31
that so I had to ring London Midwife and
30:33
go look I’m not in London I’m in
30:34
Cambridge they can send me a Cambridge
30:36
Midwife so now my daughter’s two days
30:39
old I’ve gone to my mum’s and I’m
30:41
wheeling her out in a little push chair
30:44
and I’ve just come back to the house as
30:46
the Midwife arrives and she goes why are
30:48
you out I’m like pardon should why you
30:50
out I’m like well it’s a nice day she
30:52
went no but you should be in bed you
30:55
should be in bed for a week and your
30:57
baby should be in bed for a week because
30:59
of all the germs and I’m like well what
31:02
do we ruin they’ve got seven kids do
31:03
they go to bed for a week I don’t think
31:06
so and you know I spent a lot of time in
31:08
Africa and I don’t see people going to
31:10
bed for a week with a newborn baby they
31:13
just like know you you really should go
31:15
to bed for a week and then she said to
31:16
me anyway
31:17
a how did you get here and I said I
31:19
drove my car doin oh do you not know
31:22
about pregnancy brain I’m like
31:24
fortunately I have no idea about
31:27
pregnancy brain I know they’re going to
31:29
tell me what it is and she said yes when
31:31
you’ve given birth you can’t concentrate
31:34
you can’t focus you can’t do anything
31:37
normally is that just as well I didn’t
31:39
know that when I took an hour and a half
31:41
drive down the motorway I didn’t have
31:44
pregnancy brain I didn’t have postnatal
31:47
depression and it really annoyed me that
31:50
they told me that was available to me
31:53
so now I’m raising this great little kid
31:56
that I’ve been told I can’t have and I’m
31:59
reading this report about how girls who
32:03
are adopted if their adoptive mother
32:05
walks on asking oh my god I’ve got my
32:06
period or so painful all these cramps
32:09
are killing me off I need to take to my
32:11
bed they have the same kind of periods
32:13
normally not always of course this was
32:15
an exception and adoptive girls whose
32:18
mother said got my period I’m off to
32:19
play tennis now have very different
32:21
periods to see my little daughter he’s
32:24
five and she’s going to stay with my mum
32:26
and she came back and she started wooden
32:27
house going I’ve got my tension headache
32:30
I’ve got my anxiety and I’m like baby
32:32
five Europe don’t have tension headaches
32:35
or anxiety that is grandmother’s stuff
32:39
it’s not yours and so we go to my mum’s
32:43
a lot one day she said to her my mom
32:44
grandmother what are all these pills for
32:47
mama goes well that one’s for my legs
32:49
and that’s for my head and that’s for
32:51
the anger that’s for my heart that’s my
32:54
bowels my little girl goes but grandma
32:56
had I or no where to go and now I’ve got
33:02
to prep my daughter cuz every time she
33:04
goes to my mum’s she was going on a
33:06
school trip and she came back and my
33:07
mother gave a little pass on she gave
33:09
her anti-acids for after dinner
33:12
she gave a travel sickness travel
33:14
perhaps ours would go on the coach and
33:16
she gave her altitude tablets case they
33:20
went somewhere high
33:23
and I’m saying you know baby we don’t do
33:25
pills you and me we’re not sick and she
33:28
went but mummy is grandma’s sick I said
33:30
no darling grandma’s not sick grandma’s
33:33
a hypochondriac those people they’re not
33:35
sick but they love taking pills because
33:37
all my life my mother her house is like
33:39
she’s lovely but her house is like a
33:41
farms you want a drug she’s going to
33:43
have it in her cupboard and when I grew
33:45
up I thought that is never ever going to
33:47
be available to me I’m going to be fit
33:49
and healthy and I sometimes think I
33:51
became a therapist and cured people
33:53
because I looked at this madness of the
33:55
pills and the hospital trips every day
33:58
so I’ve said to my little girl
34:00
grandmother’s not sick but she’s a
34:02
hypochondriac and you know when you go
34:04
to stay with grandmother when you get in
34:06
the car do not let her give you pills
34:08
after dinner do not hurt to give you
34:10
pills so at this big family dinner and
34:13
my mother she’s got this sink rate and
34:15
she puts out the dessert she brings out
34:16
the anti acids simultaneously and my
34:19
little girl looked at my uncle and she
34:21
said you know my grandmother’s
34:22
nymphomaniac mummy said that’s why she
34:25
takes pills but my mom is not a
34:29
nymphomaniac and we don’t take pills I’m
34:32
like no baby no hypochondriac the
34:36
correction didn’t please my mum so I
34:41
want you all to close your eyes
34:44
and I want you to imagine you’re holding
34:47
in your arms you you the day you’ve just
34:51
been born you’re this beautiful perfect
34:55
brand-new baby you just came out of a
34:58
womb where everything was available 24
35:00
hours a day you got food you got heat
35:03
was always 75 degrees in there all your
35:06
needs were met and you’ve just been born
35:09
I want you to think that looked too old
35:12
he’s just been born what should be
35:16
available that child is masses and
35:18
masses of love but you know that’s often
35:22
not the case my mum told me that when
35:25
she had me she was really upset because
35:27
I was supposed to be someone else’s baby
35:28
my dad’s best friend does it happen
35:31
and years later on resuming hypnosis I
35:34
felt that I felt that disappointment but
35:39
it didn’t matter because that was just
35:41
the beginning that’s not my life so I
35:44
want you to imagine you’ve got this
35:46
little baby in your arms and I want you
35:48
to think what do you want to be
35:51
available to that child do you want love
35:56
to be available of course what did you
36:00
want the person holding you as a newborn
36:03
to say and I’m going to tell you and
36:06
you’re going to repeat it out loud and I
36:08
want to hear you I want to say to that
36:10
little baby Wow look at you Wow look at
36:15
you repeat it Wow look at you you are
36:19
the most perfect thing in the world
36:24
you’re so beautiful you’re so gorgeous
36:30
you are completely lovable and when you
36:35
grow up you’re going to find so much
36:38
love because love is available to you
36:44
and it always will be
36:49
success is available to you
36:53
you matter your significant you have a
36:59
gift and you’re meant to be here keep
37:05
looking at that little baby and just
37:06
filling it up with love and praise you
37:11
know I see a lot of clients of
37:13
infertility and although I have a really
37:16
high success rate I have a few clients
37:18
who would sell their house to be parents
37:21
and there’s no doubt they would be
37:22
amazing parents and it doesn’t happen
37:26
they never get to have that baby that
37:28
they would be phenomenal at raising and
37:31
I see other people who drag their kids
37:33
are and really do not deserve to be
37:36
parents and I’ve often tried to work
37:39
that out here’s these people who be
37:41
amazing parents and negative baby and
37:43
these people who are dreadful parents
37:45
you have three and the only way I could
37:48
ever work it out is to believe that we
37:50
come through our parents we don’t come
37:53
from them the universe creates as in the
37:56
universe it creates us will support us
37:59
in everything that we do particularly in
38:04
believing that we are lovable that
38:07
everything is available so you can open
38:10
your eyes and I want you to think about
38:13
that one person would be an awesome
38:15
parent and they don’t get the baby the
38:18
other person is a horrendous parent and
38:20
they do and how can you make sense of
38:23
that you can’t except by deciding the
38:26
universe created you you come through
38:29
your parents you don’t come from them
38:31
you come through them and the universe
38:33
that created you and that gave you all
38:35
your amazing talents will support you in
38:38
everything everything that you want
