Merrimack College Commencement Speech By Charlie Day (2014)


Actor, producer and screenwriter Charlie Day, a 1998 graduate of Merrimack College, delivered the keynote address at Merrimack’s 64th undergraduate commencement ceremony.

Best known for his role in the sitcom It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, actor Charlie Day had lots of wisdom to share during the 2014 commencement speech at his alma mater, Merrimack College. Day explained to the audience how college degrees are inherently valueless, since you can’t trade them in for cash. Instead, it’s you, your hard work, and the risks you take that provide real value in life.


Charlie Day’s Merrimack College Commencement Address

Transcript of the Merrimack College Commencement Speech By Charlie Day:

0:00
I now have the honor
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inducing this year’s commencement
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speaker mr. Charlie day a few of you may
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have heard something about mr. day he
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arrived on our campus from Rhode Island
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in the fall of 1994 intent on a college
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experience that included playing varsity
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baseball he soon soon turned his time
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and talents to other pursuits as a
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finite student he was an active
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participant in the theater productions
0:37
and after his graduation in 1998 found
0:40
himself auditioning for roles on a
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broader stage his work in the theater
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soon brought him to television and he
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helped develop and stars in the program
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it’s always sunny in philadelphia and
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his work on the wide screen has included
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many well we got at films his role today
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is even more significant it gives me
1:03
great honor and pride to welcome to the
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podium a true son of Merrimack the
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college’s 64th commencement speaker mr.
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Charlie Day
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good morning Merrimack ah Thank You
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president hoping faculty trustees
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students parents grandparents who have
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absolutely no idea who I am and I love
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to say there’s nothing more exhilarating
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than getting to follow a great speech by
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Ugandan refugee a terrible position to
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be in but I’ll do my best and well done
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Kennedy well you are graduating from an
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excellent school today alumni have gone
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on to be CEOs politicians professional
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athletes however this year you will get
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to receive wisdom life lessons knowledge
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from a man who’s made a living
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pretending to eat cat food now I do
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however have some qualifications some
2:19
insight because like you are becoming
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today I’m a Merrimack College graduate
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thank you I know what it took to get
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here today I was in this very room i sat
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on those uncomfortable chairs I dressed
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like some sort of medieval pastry chef
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and I do desperately hoped that my
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hangover would wear off yeah that one
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knows
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if you can just make it to brunch you’ll
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be alright I take note a quick
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observation today apparently the higher
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you climb in life the more ridiculous
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your hats will become like the one I’m
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wearing today or the Pope or Pharrell so
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some way you fear success just think of
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the hats
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that’s the motivate yet well this may be
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hard to believe but it was a roughly 20
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years ago that as a freshman I came to
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this campus I remember well my parents
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who are here today and I’m not thinking
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my mother as much as Kennedy did I’m
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sorry I remember the tears in their eyes
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I remember my own nervous excitement I
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can recall entering the – the Ashe
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dormitory walking to the right bank yeah
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there they are
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walking to my room my heart was pounding
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with what the future might hold I
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grabbed on to the door handle I held it
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tight only to discover that someone had
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covered it with Vaseline it was a real
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lame prank by the third floor boys and I
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thought to myself okay this is how it’s
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going to be here they have no idea who
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just arrived at campus later that day I
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befriended a man named Edie who had a
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similar pest Shawn from stevia sness and
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that night at and I went to the third
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floor boys community bathrooms and we
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cut all the shower curtains at waist
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high
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thank you that’s right leaving those
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boys with a diabolical option for the
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next morning don’t take a shower or take
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the most embarrassing shower of your
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life my apologies to the school for
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discretion of destruction of school
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property I promise to donate two shower
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curtains we’ll have to dig up Eadie to
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get the third well Merrimack has come a
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long way since my time the campus has
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grown the quality of student clearly
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improved US News and World Report has
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ranked Miramax
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one of the top 10 regional colleges in
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the Northeast well done in my time there
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was a man here who scored in the zero
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percentile on his SATs meaning no one in
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the nation did worse than this man this
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is a man who once told someone he wished
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he lived when it was black and white
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this is the same man whose Ted to
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someone with complete seriousness that
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he would take their advice into
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cooperation this man of course was my
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roommate did you think it was me no
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you’re you’re confusing me with my
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television character no I’m much smarter
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in fact I’m a doctor now I have a PhD
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and I would like to thank the school for
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bestowing me with this prestigious honor
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and although I realized today I am
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joining the ranks of my fellow honorary
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doctors like Mike Tyson and Kermit the
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Frog and although I acknowledge that dr.
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Charlie day sounds like some sort of
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club DJ I assure you I intend to go by
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this title from now on and I plan to
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begin writing my own prescriptions
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immediately
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all right now I know that having an
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honorary Doctor degree will do nothing
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for me but I am here to tell you today
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that your degrees the ones you toil to
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get the ones you actually took classes
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to earn those degrees will also
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basically do nothing let me clarify that
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you cannot exchange your degree for cash
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you cannot have your degree through an
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audition or interview for you you cannot
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eat it please do not make love to it I
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think you could probably smoke it but I
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wouldn’t advise it a college degree does
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nothing it collects dust it does however
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mean something it tells something to
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your community it says I have expanded
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my mind and destroyed my liver but I
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didn’t give up and although 44 of you
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here today took more than four years to
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accomplish that goal you don’t have to
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tell anyone now yeah they are think of
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the plus side you bought your parents a
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few extra years of nobody living in
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their basement
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now all jokes aside you should be very
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proud this is an impressive chapter of
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your lives and I know you’re curious of
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what will happen from here so let me
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tell you dr. DJ is here to help I have
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been in your shoes not literally of
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course I wouldn’t go anywhere near your
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shoes I’m sure they all reek of beer and
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vomit but my point is this I was in this
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room and this is a rare opportunity for
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me to say something to myself 20 years
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ago here’s my advice charlie
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lay off the dark beer and bread you’re
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getting puffy don’t worry about that
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girl I mean she’s not into you let it go
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she’s going to regret it
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there’s gonna be a whole wide 2 K thing
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don’t worry about it like nothing’s
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gonna happen all right now I realize
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this isn’t the most useful exercise for
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you but I’m pretty happy with the
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choices I made after Merrimack my life
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is pretty sweet so I’d like to tell you
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three quick stories about some of those
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choices I made when I left here some of
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the things that led me from that chair
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to this podium and I hope in some way
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you can draw parallels from it that can
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help guide your own experience if not
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feel free to tune out if you’re anything
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like I was I lost you at Good Morning
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Merrimack when I left this school I was
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presented with two options I could move
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to New York City and begin my acting
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career a city where I knew next to no
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one or I could take the entry-level
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position that had been offered to me by
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fidelity investments now I know what
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you’re thinking why would a major
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financial services corporation offer
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this numbskull a job the answer is
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simple because I tricked them
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Miramax business program was offering
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interviews of the company the students
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would be given a score on their
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interview and I’d never been on an
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audition it seemed like it would be a
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similar experience and I liked the role
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of aspiring banker or whatever they do
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at fidelity I had a game plan deflect
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from me get this guy to talk about
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himself I wasn’t gonna lie I was just
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basically going to interview him if I
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recall correctly we talked at length
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about the intricacies of water skiing an
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activity I know nothing about now had
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the man asked me what eight times seven
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was there would have been an unbearable
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pause in the room but he didn’t and the
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interview went so well that he offered
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me a job and this was a real job I’m
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sorry I’m making your children cry
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this was a real job this was a big-boy
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job and this threw me for a loop should
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I take this job is this my destiny my
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the next great financial genius should I
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come up with a plan B should I work in
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Boston for a few years and make enough
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money to have a cozy transition to New
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York well I have always had a half-baked
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philosophy that having a plan B can
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muddy up your plan a I didn’t take the
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job I moved to the city I bussed tables
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I lived in a basement apartment next to
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a garbage chute that was filled with
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cockroaches and I could not have made a
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better decision well maybe not the
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apartment thing I think I could have
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looked a little longer you’ll find
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better apartments stay away from the
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trash area now there’s an obvious lesson
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here about believing in yourself for the
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plan a plan B stuff excuse me while I
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navigate this thing
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but I think the lesson is this had I
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worked in at fidelity I am sure they
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would have fired me eventually I can
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barely do long division but I didn’t
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want to fail at fidelity and I did not
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want to fail in Boston if I was going to
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run the risk of failure I wanted it to
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be in the place where I would be proud
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to fail doing what I wanted to do and
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let me tell you something I did fail
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over and over again I was too short for
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this or too weird for that I had one
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casting agents say this man will never
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work in comedy but I was in the fight I
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was taking my punches but I was in the
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fight that is a metaphor of course I
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don’t think I have any actual ability to
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take a punch now my second story is
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about creating your own two
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opportunities instead of waiting for
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them to be handed to you after a few
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years in New York my foot was in the
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door I was doing pretty prestigious
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parts like mailroom kid one and junkie
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two but after many failed attempts of
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getting cast in a television show
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something popped up it looked as though
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I was going to be offered a job on a big
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network television program called life
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on a stick now around the same time
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because I was tired of waiting for my
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break to just happen I along with my
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friend Rob McElhenney and Glenn Howerton
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started filming my own television show
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in my apartment I had a sense that maybe
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I could create an opportunity that was
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better than the ones that were being
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given to me so I borrowed cameras I had
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friends hold microphones and we shot a
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show in our apartments that we were
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going to call It’s Always Sunny in
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Philadelphia
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now suddenly there was another decision
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to be made another crossroad do I do
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life on a stick do I take this big
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Network television opportunity or do I
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make another bet on myself and this time
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on my friends as well
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do I make no money do I try to sell a
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home movie as the next great television
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series I mean I was trying to tell
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people I was a writer and I didn’t even
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own a personal computer now this was a
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risky bet a real long shot but I said no
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to a life on the stick and I went with
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sunny life on a stick went one season in
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13 episodes we are currently filming our
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10th season of sunny we’ve written and
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produced 114 episodes
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we’re signed on for another two years
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making us Always Sunny in Philadelphia
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one of the longest-running comedies of
13:30
all time
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again a betta myself and this time on my
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friend you don’t want this this will be
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better I’ve earned it
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this time a betta myself that’s not
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better and I bet on my friends itself as
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well paid off it paid off in Spain there
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was power in numbers and Sonny changed
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my life not only did I if there’s a
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career as an actor and a writer now I
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had complete control over everything I
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wanted to do if I wanted to dress in a
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full body green spandex suit it went in
14:12
the show if I wanted to drink coke I
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wine out of a coke can as perhaps some
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of you were doing right now it went in
14:20
the show and if I had a weird idea about
14:23
putting mittens on kittens it went in
14:26
the show
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this was the riskier row but I could not
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have made a better decision Sonny
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changed my life and it led to everything
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Horrible Bosses Pacific Rim Saturday
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Night Live thank you creating the job as
14:39
opposed to waiting it waiting for it to
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be offered to me was the way to go now I
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think there’s an obvious lesson here
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don’t wait for your break make your
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break go make it happen for yourself all
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right one last story that I’m out here
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the last story of what led me from there
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to here is the literal act of agreeing
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to be here today when president hope he
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came to sit down with me in Los Angeles
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my first thought was here it comes
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they’re gonna ask me for money
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yeah they haven’t yet thank God but when
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he asked me to speak to you today I
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happily accepted and then as is the case
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with all great opportunities the reality
15:24
of what I had to do began to set in dear
15:27
the kids still crying
15:31
people are laughing and the kids crying
15:33
I’m worried about that one dear God I
15:36
said to myself I’m going to have to
15:38
actually give a speech I am NOT a public
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speaker I have a voice like a ten year
15:44
old who smokes how am I going to do this
15:49
I YouTube commencement speeches given by
15:54
Conan O’Brien Stephen Colbert Steve Jobs
15:56
this was a terrible idea
16:00
their speeches were so intelligent so
16:03
well informed so eloquent that only more
16:06
panic began to set in what am I thinking
16:08
how could I ever compare and the truth
16:11
is I can’t
16:12
I don’t host a talk show or do stand-up
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as an actor normally you have cut away
16:17
from me
16:17
a long time ago now I’m not nearly as
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smart as Steve Jobs I don’t know how my
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computer works I don’t even know how my
16:25
toaster works and the YouTube comments
16:30
oh the world of snarky comments were
16:32
living in and perhaps that’s the most
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terrifying thing of all and what we do
16:38
now is permanent but I didn’t back out
16:42
I’m here speaking to you today and I
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know I will be judged by all those who
16:47
care to watch on YouTube and compared
16:49
but my lesson is this I don’t give a
16:53
shit
16:58
I’m sorry
17:03
now listen up you cannot let a fear of
17:06
failure or a fear of comparison or a
17:09
fear of judgment stop you from doing
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what’s going to make you great you
17:14
cannot succeed without this risk of
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failure you cannot have a voice without
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the risk of criticism and you cannot
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love without the risk of lost you must
17:23
go out and you must take these risks
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everything I’m truly proud of in this
17:27
life has been a terrifying prospect to
17:29
me from my first play to hosting sorry
17:32
and live to getting married to being a
17:33
father to speaking to you today none of
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it comes easy and people will tell you
17:39
to do what makes you happy but a lot of
17:41
this has been hard work and I’m not
17:43
always happy and I don’t think you
17:45
should do just what makes you happy I
17:47
think you should do what makes you great
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do it’s uncomfortable and scary and hard
17:52
but pays off in the long run be willing
17:54
to fail let yourself fail fail in the
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way in the place where you would want to
18:00
fail fail pick yourself up and fail
18:02
again because without this struggle what
18:05
is your success anyway look as best we
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know what we have one life in it you
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have to trust your own voice your own
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ideas your honesty your vulnerability
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and through this you will find your way
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you do not have to be fearless just
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don’t let fear stop you live like this
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as best you can and I guarantee you will
18:29
look back on a life well-lived you are
18:32
capable of greatness in your profession
18:34
and more importantly in your quality of
18:37
self stay hungry stay young at heart
18:42
take those risks you are going to change
18:45
the world around you in big ways and in
18:48
small and I greatly look forward to
18:51
being a part of the future that you will
18:53
shape congratulations graduates and good
18:56
luck
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you

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