Some of our younger readers may not know Kurt Vonnegut. He is a famous author that found of of his success during the middle of last century.
In 1999, Kurt Vonnegut gave a commencement speech at Agnes Scott College. During the speech, he mentioned that in order to live a more complete life, people needed to let stuff go. He argued that you cannot reasonably expect others to forgive you for your mistakes if you cannot forgive others and that you cannot live life fostering a personal vendetta against others.
Kurt Vonnegut delivers College Commencement Address (1999)
Transcripts of the Speech
0:01
hungerford vonnegut addresses the 110th
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graduating class of agnes scott college
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along Decatur Georgia mr. Vonnegut has
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written out of a novel
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slaughterhouse-five and more recently
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time quake we must be very close to a
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powerful transmitter for CNN right
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anybody know where it is anybody know
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where that transmitter is can’t point it
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out anybody know where Jane Fonda is now
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in the early days of radio I remember
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people living too close to the
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transmitter of station KDKA and
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Pittsburgh used to hear soap operas in
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their bridge work in their mattress
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Springs and now CNN play such a big part
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in the lives of so many Americans
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including my own we might as well be
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hearing Wolf Blitzer and Christiana
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almond pour in our bridge work and
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mattress Springs well I won’t lie to you
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today the news from CNN can be really
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bad but I also give you my word of honor
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that you before me the class of nineteen
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ninety nine is agnes scott college are
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near the very top of the very best best
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news i can ever hear by working as hard
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at becoming wise and reasonable and
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well-informed you have made our little
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planet a saner place than it was before
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you got here so thank you for that god
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bless you and the faculty of this
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college and those who made it possible
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for you to go from strength to strength
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ear thanks to all of you the forces of
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ignorance and brutality have lost again
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not that there hasn’t been a lot of good
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news along with the bad long before you
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got here I’m talking about the birth of
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works of art music paintings statues
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buildings pong stories plays essays and
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movies you bet and humane ideas which
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make us feel honored to be members of
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the human race what can you yourselves
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contribute well you’ve come this far
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anyway and it wasn’t easy and then I
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recite a famous line by the poet Robert
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Browning with one small change I have
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replaced his word man which in this time
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was taken to mean human being with the
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word him with the word woman may I say
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to that his wife Elizabeth Barrett was
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as great a poet as he was is how do I
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love thee let me count the ways and so
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on while I’m at it get a load of this
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the atomic bomb which we dropped on the
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people of Hiroshima was first envisioned
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by a woman not a man she was of course
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Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley she didn’t
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call it an atomic bomb she called it the
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monster of Frankenstein the back to
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Robert Browning and what he said about
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anyone who hopes to make the world
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better again I’ve changed the word man
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to woman for this occasion a woman’s
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reach should exceed her grasp or what’s
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a heaven for and of course the original
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a man’s grasp should exceed his reach or
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what’s a heaven for now speaking of
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women Pollyanna is not your graduation
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speaker here today Pollyanna is bound to
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be speaking somewhere irrepressibly
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optimistic seeing good and everything so
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I will comment is briefly and
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efficiently if possible on the perfectly
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horrible news CNN has been giving us
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about the Balkans and that high school
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in colorado i won’t go on and on about
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it we’re here for a good time and we are
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darn well going to have one others met
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with axes to grind are playing the blame
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game blaming the National Rifle
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Association the movies TV pop music
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video games no prayers in the school I
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myself have an axe which I have ground
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as sharp as a razor what would I like to
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do with it if i could i would like to
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plant it in the forehead of the
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Babylonian king Hammurabi
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who lived almost 4,000 years ago now
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Hammurabi gave us a coat which is
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honored to this very day by many nations
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including our own and by all heroes in
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cowboy and gangster films and by far too
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many people who feel that they have been
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insulted or injured however slightly
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however accidentally an eye for an eye a
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tooth for a tooth revenge is not only
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sweet revenge is a must what antidote
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can there be for an idea that popular
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and poisonous revenge provokes revenge
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which is sure to provoke revenge forming
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an endless chain of human misery here’s
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the antidote forgive us our trespasses
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as we forgive those who trespass against
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us amen now some of you may know that
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I’m a humanist not a Christian but I say
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if Jesus is all humanists do if what he
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said was good and so much of it was
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absolutely beautiful what can it matter
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if he was God or not if Christ hadn’t
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delivered the sermon on the mount with
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its message of mercy and pity I wouldn’t
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want to be a human being I’d rather be a
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rattlesnake okay now let’s have some fun
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let’s talk about sex
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let’s talk about women Freud said he
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didn’t know what women wanted well I
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know what women want they want a whole
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lot of people to talk to what do they
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want to talk about they want to talk
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about everything what the men want well
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they want a lot of pals and they wish
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people wouldn’t get so mad at him all
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the time now why are so many people
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getting divorced today it’s because most
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of us don’t have extended families
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anymore it used to be that when a man
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and a woman got married the bride got a
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whole lot more people to talk to about
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everything the groom got a whole lot
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more pals to tell dumb jokes too now a
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few Americans but very few still have
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extended families the Navajos the
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Kennedys but most of us if we got
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married today are just one person for
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the other person the groom gets one more
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pal but it’s a woman what woman gets one
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more person to talk to about everything
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but it’s a man when a couple has an
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argument nowadays they may think it’s
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about money or sex or power or how to
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raise the kids or whatever what they’re
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really saying to each other though is
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you’re not enough people I met a man in
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Nigeria one time a nebo who had 600
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relatives he knew quite well his wife
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had just had a baby the best possible
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news in any extended family they were
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going to take take that kit to meet all
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its relatives ebo zuv all ages and sizes
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and shapes it would even meet other
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babies cousins not much older than it
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was everybody was big enough and steady
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enough was going to get to hold it to
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cuddle it to gurgle to it and say how
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pretty it was or how handsome wouldn’t
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you have loved to be that baby now I
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sure wish I could wave a wand and give
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every one of you and
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extended family make you an EBO or a
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Navajo or a Kennedy least I can do is
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give you health tips I’ve already
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mentioned sunscreen and don’t smoke
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cigarettes which are as evil as slobodan
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milosevic but cigars are good for you
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there they are so helpful that there is
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a magazine devoted to their enjoyment
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with cigar smoking role models on the
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cover athletes movie stars rich guys why
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not the Surgeon General cigars of course
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are made of trail mix a blend of raisins
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cashews and granola which has been
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soaked for a week in maple syrup so to
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celebrate at the end of your graduation
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day why don’t you eat a cigar at bedtime
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no cholesterol guns are also good for
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people no nicotine and no cholesterol
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ask your congressperson if that isn’t
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true incidentally if somebody asked you
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whether you are liberal or conservative
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tell them this listen Buster I’m a
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graduate of Agnes State College in
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decatur GA zip code 300 30 they taught
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me to think for myself there you want to
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know if I’m a liberal or conservative
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I’m both of those and neither one go
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jump in the lake go climb a tree I have
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so far quoted robert and elizabeth
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barrett browning and Hammurabi and Jesus
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Christ I now give you sir william
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gilbert of the team of gilbert and
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sullivan i often think it’s comical how
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nature always does contrived that every
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boy in every gal that’s born into the
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world alive is either a little liberal
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all or a little conservative while I’m
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at it why don’t I give you Eugene Victor
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Deb’s the great labor leader who ran for
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president three times on the socialist
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ticket and who died in 1926 when I was
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four years old as long as there is a
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lower class I’m in it as long as there
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is a criminal element I am of it as long
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as there is a soul in prison I am NOT
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free now that’s worth repeating as long
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as there’s a lower class I’m in it as
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long as there is a criminal element I am
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of it as long as there is a soul in
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prison I am not free wouldn’t you like
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to say that when you get out of bed
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every morning with the roosters crowing
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as long as there is a lower class how a
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minute as long as there is a criminal
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element I’m of it as long as there is a
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soul in prison I am not free excuse me I
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beg your pardon I’m receiving signals
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from CNN in my bridge work Wolf Blitzer
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and christiana Amanpour Wolf Blitzer and
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Cristiano almond poor women say CNN
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military consultants are unanimous in
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feeling that our revenge on the Serbs
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for their revenge on the Kosovars has
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caught about as well as could be
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expected the code of hammurabi revenge I
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for an eye a tooth for a tooth always
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works that way about as well as can be
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expected wait a minute somebody else is
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speaking
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no it’s not wolf it’s not cristiana
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whoever it is and I’ll bet she’s blonde
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Jay she’s saying I can lose 30 pounds in
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30 days and never once feel hungry okay
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she’s gone now thank goodness my bridge
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work has fallen silent of its own accord
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I thought for a minute there is going to
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have to ask somebody for dental floss
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hi-tech how would that have been for
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high-tech tuning out CNN with dental
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floss how I love high-tech Forbes
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magazine asked a bunch i was a while
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back to name our favorite technologies i
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said the Encyclopedia Britannica on a
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shelf because it’s alphabetical my
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address book also alphabetical and the
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mailbox on the corner putting a letter
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in the mailbox is like feeding a great
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big bullfrog painted blue you know what
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its lid says to me when I close it
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ribbit it says don’t give up on books
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they feel so good they’re friendly
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hefting sweet reluctance of their pages
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when you turn them with your sensitive
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fingertips a large part of our brains is
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devoted to deciding whether what our
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hands are touching is good or bad for us
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any brain worth a nickel those books are
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good for us computers are insincere
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books are sincere and don’t try and make
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yourself an extended family out of the
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spooks on the internet get yourself a
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Harley and join hells angels instead all
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right let’s stop kidding around and get
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down to the nitty-gritty you know what
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you are class in 1999 you are a bunch of
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Eve’s and now that you’ve eaten the
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apple of knowledge you’re getting kicked
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out of here
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hey
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many of you intend to become teachers
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which is the noblest of all professions
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in a democracy teachers can be so good
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for this country but only if their
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classes can be cut to 18 teaching his
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friendship and nobody can deal
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intelligently was more than 18 friends
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at any given time and only well-informed
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warm-hearted people can teach others
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things they’ll always remember in love
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computers and TVs can never do that a
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computer teaches a child what a computer
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can become an educated human being
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teaches a child what a child can become
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now some of you will become mothers
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these things happen if you should find
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yourself sidelined in this fashion
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remind yourself of these lines by the
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19th century white male poet William
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Ross Wallace the hand that rocks the
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cradle rules the world that being the
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case you might teach the kid a couple of
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things that should say everyday forgive
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us our trespasses as we forgive those
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who trespass against us and as long as
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there’s a soul in prison I’m not free
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ideals to attainable class of 1999 let
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me impress on you that ideals by their
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very definition can never be too high
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for children or anyone a child’s reach
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should exceed its grasp or what’s a
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heaven for now this wonderful speech is
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almost nearly twice as long as the most
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efficient effective oration in the in
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American history which is Abraham
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Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address Lincoln
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incidentally was killed by a two-bit
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actor exercising his right to bear arms
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up to now most of what I’ve said there’s
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been a custom job for this Dixieland
16:32
rite of passage but every graduation pep
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talk I’ve given has ended with words
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about my father’s brother Alex Vonnegut
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a harvard-educated insurance agent in
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Indianapolis who was well-read and wise
16:48
the first graduation at which I spoke
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incidentally was also at what was then a
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woman’s college Bennington in Vermont
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the Vietnam War was going on than the
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graduates wore no makeup to show how
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ashamed and sad they were but about my
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uncle Alex who’s up in heaven now one of
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the things he found objectionable about
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human beings was that they so rarely
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noticed when they were happy he himself
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did his best to acknowledge that when
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times were sweet we could be drinking
17:23
lemonade in the shade of an apple tree
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in the summertime and uncle Alex would
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interrupt the conversation to say if
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this isn’t nice what is so I hope that
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you adorable women before me will do the
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same for the rest of your lives when
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things are going well sweetly and
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peacefully please pause a moment and
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then say out loud if this is nice what
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is let me let that be the motto of the
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agnes scott college class of nineteen
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ninety nine if this isn’t nice what is
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now that’s one favor I’ve asked of you
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now I ask for another one ask it not
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only of the graduates but for everyone
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here including President Mary Brown bull
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aquarium
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I want to show of hands after I ask this
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question keep your eyes on dr. Bullock
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how many of you have had a teacher at
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any level of your education who made you
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more excited to be alive prouder to be
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alive then you had previously believed
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possible hold up your hands please
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what’s she doing okay all right now take
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down your hands and say the name of that
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teacher to someone sitting or standing
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near you
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all done this is nice what is
